||[Feb. 25th, 2006|01:03 am]
Okay... so my Grandmother was buried today. It has really messed with me. I have had to be strong today for my folks, well, now that the kiddos are in bed and I am sitting here I am able to deal with it. I miss her. I wish that I had more time with her. I know that she lived a long life and all that...but that really does not help.
Anyway... My drop has been better today. I am coming out of it, I think. Right now I think that the downs that I am feeling is because of the death of Grandma. Plus... I had a phsyc assessment today. These are always very rough for me. I hate having to deal with dredging up my past.. parts of me that i am trying to let go and release. these parts of my past that helped make the person that I am today, but have damaged me almost beyond repair. I know that I must deal with this... but it still hate having to talk about it to someone that is a total stranger... someone that doesnt really care about me... someone that has no interest in my health or recovery. does that make sence to you??
SOOO...I have to try and turn over what is left of my control to my Dragon. I have to trust him to guard and protect me. To know what is best for me and what I need. I know that because of the issues that i have, I am not able to really take care of myself. I need to depend on my Dragon to do this for me. I know that in the realm of the lifestyle, that I need my Dragon to be my Master... to provide me with safety and security and love and care. I have to work on turning over that rest of my control to him. To know that he will not let me fall. He will always protect and care for me. But the issue is the turning over of that control... I am not sure how to go about doing this... It scares me.... I will have to meditate on this and see if the Gods give me any insight on how to do this.
Good night all.. I will write more later.
1st Girl Phoenix